Mood:
cheekyNow Playing: The Laura Ingram Show
Topic: LotR, 40K and Politics
"So much death….What can men do against such reckless hate?" asked King Theoden in Peter Jackson’s masterful adaptation of Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings. “Ride out and meet them!” replied Aragon, urging the besieged king to leave his keep and bring the fight to his Orc enemies.
As I watched this little exchange, my mind started ruminating upon the similarities between the troubles of Middle Earth and those of the contemporary world. Would not Theoden’s question be appropriate vis-à-vis the “reckless hate” of our jihadist enemies (this is doubly true in light of the recent use of children by homicide-bombing jihadists)? And would not Aragon’s reply be sage advice for America and her allies (indeed, you could easily argue that President Bush has done just that in Afghanistan and Iraq!)?
Later that day, I engaged in a couple of 40K battles via Dawn of War: Dark Crusade. While shifting my Space Marines here, building a heavy bolter turret there, I listened to a radio news channel that was reporting upon the recent abduction of British sailors by state-sanctioned Iranian pirates and the “restrained” reaction of both Great Britain and America. “Boy,” I thought to myself, “if only we had a modern-day Aragon; someone not afraid to ride out and confront evil at every turn!”
The action upon my computer screen picked up a little with my Space Marines engaging a pack of Chaos cultists. My SM force commander shouted “Cleanse! Purge! Kill!” while massed bolter fire from his steadfast troops shredded the onrushing Chaos horde with bloody abandon.
“Forget Aragon!” I thought as my annoyance over the “restrained” diplomatic reaction to Iranian provocations grew in my belly. “What we could use is a legion of Space Marines to deal the Emperor’s righteous fury to this terrorist state!” I mused to myself, not without a little humor.
My attention was then drawn back to the virtual battlefield as my space marines started to give ground to a large attack led by the Chaos Lord himself. These foul minions of demonic gods always had a trick or two up their sleeve. While managing the battle, my mind continued to play with the idea of 41st Century elements in the contemporary political climate. How would such a merging play out?
“Hmm,” I thought, “this whole Cult of the Emperor thing would have to go.” After all, state-sanctioned worship of the Emperor would be a clear violation of the separation of church and state doctrine (wherever that is in the Constitution). No sir! It would never be allowed. Could you just imagine the apoplectic rantings of the secularists? Their strident demands to remove all priests from the ranks of the IG? The congressional hearings on the activities of the Inquisition? The horror stories leaked to the press concerning the forced indoctrination of space marine recruits into the Cult of the Emperor? Heck, the next time a force commander even utters the word “heretic,” he would, no doubt, be summarily removed from command and court-martialed (and forced to room with Michael Richards at a rehab clinic, no doubt)!
But it wouldn’t stop there. The ACLU would soon bring suit against the Empire, demanding equal rights for those of the Chaos persuasion. ‘Who are we,’ they would argue, ‘to judge the worth of a competing value system? So they engage in a little human sacrifice. Big deal. As long as it is between consenting adults….’ In the interests of tolerance, any preferential treatment of the God-Emperor would soon be eschewed in favor of religious neutrality. Chaos clubs would be sanctioned on college campuses; praying to the God-Emperor would be forbidden in public schools. Eventually, by an act of Congress, the God-Emperor would simply become known as the Emperor.
With the Empire’s newfound tolerance for galactic diversity (which would soon be extended to all the competing galactic races, from Orks to Eldar), the Emperor’s war against his enemies would soon be called into question. “The Emperor lied, the IG died!” would be the chant of college kids everywhere (the inevitable termination of the IG draft would give them loads of free time to march and chant). The New York Times would run editorials detailing the movement of battlefleets, as well as divulging the latest activities of the Inquisition (hobbled as it is by countless congressional oversight committees and Freedom of Information Act lawsuits). Demands would be made to return conquered planets to our (‘alledged’) enemies. After all, what right have we to forcibly occupy another civilization’s land? Just for resources? Or worse, for new converts to the emperor’s silly cult? Did we learn nothing from incessant Arab-Israeli fighting? The Empire of Man would start to shrink as planets were restored to their ‘rightful’ owners….
These increasingly doleful ruminations were interrupted as I started to lose control of the game’s battlefield. A Defiler felled my Landspeeder and a squad of Chaos Marines was pouring through the resultant new breach in my lines.
As I attempted to set things right in my game, my mind reached the conclusion that some sort of ‘Galatic UN’ would need to be set-up to ease tensions amongst the various races. Oh sure, the Empire of Man would be horribly outnumbered in such a gathering (we could probably only count on the occasional support of the mercurial Eldar), but why should that be a stumbling block to such an organization - or our membership in it? Moreover, since humankind possessed the greater material wealth (after all, how much wealth could you expect from such primitive races as Orks and Tyrannids?), we would need to fund much of its operations (despite repeated General Assembly condemnations of the emperor and his foreign policy by the minions of Chaos)….
Darn! Things were going from bad to worse on my screen. Now my base was under a general assault. A Hellhound unleashed a deluge of flame, incinerating another batch of Cultists, buying us a little more time. This brought something else to mind:
Clearly, certain weapons in the Imperial armory would need to be outlawed on humanitarian grounds. Heavy Bolters?!? Do you know how much damage one of those rounds could do if it missed its target (not to mention the environmental damage done by its depleted uranium core!)? Hellhounds to incinerate the enemy (and again, damaging to the environment)?? What about the policy of EXTERMINATUS?!? Unconscionable! All of these would have to go regardless of whether or not our foes followed suit! After all, we would be leading by example, setting a new standard for galactic conduct. That alone would compensate us for any commensurate disadvantage we suffered on the battlefield. With our unilateral disarmament, Mankind could now hold its head up high amongst our ‘galactic neighbors’ – doubly-so if we redirected some of the resultant funds to creating, oh I don’t know, a Tyrannid nature reserve or some college scholarships for Orks. Sure, planets would fall, but we could feel good about ourselves….
My base was now swamped by Chaos scum. My commander was locked in a battle to the death with the Chaos Lord, and my Space Marines were fighting off Horrors from the Warp. Things definitely did not look good for our heroes!
“The poor emperor,” I thought, “what would he make of all this?” Considering the vicious nature of contemporary politics, especially when it involves a political leader with religious convictions, he would probably be fighting to keep his head above water, far to busy answering congressional subpoenas to take effective action against his opponents. (Why did Halliburton get a no-bid contract to administer Mars? Why did the Chief Inquisitor fire eight of his underlings?) Albeit, I suspect he would have a little more free time since he would be ordered to stop projecting the guiding light of the Astronomicon (the galactic EPA would eventually determine that it was proving disorienting to the deamonic inhabitants of the Warp)….
Oh no! My commander lost his fight with the Chaos Lord! Now my ranking leader was a chaplain (er…make that a ‘counselor’ as per my 40K alternate reality). He led his SM squad into battle, attempting to staunch the vile tide as plasma generators and fortified listening posts fell to the enemy around him. The Chapel Barracks (now just ‘barracks’) came under attack….
As my men desperately fought for survival, I realized that, sooner or later, the Undying Emperor would himself come under a very real attack. After all, isn’t ‘undying’ just another way of saying that he is on life-support? What type of life is that? There’s no dignity to be found while entombed in the Golden Throne! Chaos lawyers would file lawsuit after lawsuit to end the ‘artificial means’ that kept the emperor alive (i.e., food and water). After all, he left no living will! Furthermore, an affidavit from his ‘dear friend Khorne’ would state that he made it clear that did not want to exist in such a state. Before long, the plug would be pulled….
The sound of my Stronghold exploding signaled the end of my game…in defeat no less. “No,” I thought as I closed the game, “it would probably be best if we didn’t merge the gallant heroes of the Imperium with the modern world.” In the fictional setting of the 41st Millenium, Good is free to confront Evil with blazing faith and fiery fury. Alas, such a realm seems forever consigned to our dreams and our games.
Maybe John Kerry would join the IG for the votes?
