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cheekyNow Playing: Accuradio.com's Sour Times
Topic: Do You Suffer from Quixot
Do you suffer from Quixote Syndrome? Miguel de Cervantes first diagnosed this little known mental disorder in 1604 with the most well known case involving one Alonso Quixano, a Spaniard who styled himself as one Don Quixote, knight-errant. Fortunately, for many centuries, Quixote Syndrome remained an extremely rare affliction that was often limited to chess players and fantasy novel devotees. However, with the advent of the PC age, this mental disease is on the march with a much wider audience succumbing to its clutches. To determine if you suffer from Quixote Syndrome, ask yourself the following questions:
1) Do you keep "a lance in the lance-rack, an old buckler, a lean hack, and a greyhound for coursing?"
2) When at leisure, do you read books of chivalry with such ardour and avidity that you almost entirely neglect the pursuit of his field-sports, and even the management of property?
3) Are you fascinated by medieval "enchantments, quarrels, battles, challenges, wounds, wooings, loves, agonies, and all sorts of impossible nonsense"?
4) Do you tilt at windmills?
5) Are you obsessed with chess?
6) Are you obsessed with Medieval 2: Total War?
7) Do you spend more than three hours a day playing either chess or M2:TW?
8) When acquaintances show you family photos, do you show them a screenshot of your M2:TW faction's family tree?
9) After a successful battle in M2:TW, do you have an irresistible urge to describe it in painful detail - with a "you are there" perspective - to all your friends / family members?
10) Do you refer to your car / bike as a "warhorse"?
11) Do you find yourself frequently perusing the medieval section of the Design Toscano website?
12) Have you made the Vatican website your homepage?
13) Do you watch all three extended editions of Lord of the Rings in one sitting?
14) Have you demanded that your wife / sister / girlfriend chronicle your conquests in M2:TW by embroidering your own customized version of the Bayeux Tapestry?
15) Do you greet people with a "How now?"
16) When discussing the War on Terror, do you refer to the Western troops as "Crusaders" and the terrorists as "Saracens"?
17) Are you that solitary individual often found perusing through your local bookstore's medieval history section?
18) Do you insult people by calling them a "fox cub of all fox cubs" [actual medieval taunt]?
19) Do you get this joke:
Q: How many Saxons does it take to build a castle?
A: All of them, three days a week, as is my right.
20) Do you find this funny [actual medieval tale]:
Jarl Bjorn returned late one night from a raid on a neighboring village. He was drunk and tired as he crept into his longhouse. Bjorn awakened his servant to help him undress. The servant pulled off Bjorn's left boot, and then tried to pull off the right one, but it was stuck. He pulled and pulled, but even using all his strength he couldn't remove the boot. Bjorn snarled at him and kicked him and told him he was useless, and commanded him to light a lamp so he could see what he was doing. The servant lit the lamp, and Bjorn looked down. "Oh!" he laughed, "There's a spear in my foot!"
21) Have you subscribed to About’s Medieval History newsletter?
22) Have you switched from lagers to ales?
23) Do you spend time creating your own coat of arms in Window's Paint program?
If you answered “yes” to three or more questions, it is quite possible that you are suffering from Quixote Syndrome. Alas, there is no cure for this condition with the only remedy being to indulge your passion until it burns itself out. Unfortunately, depending upon the severity of your particular case, this could take many years to happen...if at all.
“Knight I am, and knight I will die, if such be the pleasure of the Most High….I have redressed injuries, righted wrongs, punished insolences, vanquished giants, and crushed monsters….My intentions are always directed to worthy ends, to do good to all and evil to none; and if he who means this, does this, and makes this his practice deserves to be called a fool, it is for your highnesses to say, O most excellent duke and duchess."
- Don Quixote
